The secret quality that sets successful people apart

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Opinion

The secret quality that sets successful people apart

By Jim Bright

It came to me when I was bending down in the middle of a room holding something that resembled a spoutless teapot.

Furtively I looked up to survey the scene. I saw a middle-aged man skipping. There was a lady pretending to ski a slalom and a young man walking around with exaggerated strides doing an impression of John Cleese’s silly walk.

 Elon Musk does not appear in the least embarrassed by the move to trash a world recognised brand.

Elon Musk does not appear in the least embarrassed by the move to trash a world recognised brand.Credit: Getty

In the midst of this outtake from One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, I appreciated the value of a personal trainer.

If you have someone standing next to you counting while you are striving to execute absurd contortions in public, you feel less embarrassed by actions that otherwise would properly attract the attention of concerned helping professionals. Embarrassment is the enemy of progression.

It is dangerous to over-extrapolate the characteristics of successful people, thinking that by imitating what we perceive to be their secrets for success, that we, too, will enjoy an uptick in our career fortunes.

On the other hand, it does seem that many successful people appear to have become the master of their embarrassment, or for some of these stars, embarrassment has never figured prominently in their search results.

I think it is incontrovertibly true that no one would ever consider trashing a world recognised brand name complete with a distinctive logo, and replace it with the letter X. Elon Musk who has done just that to the social media app formerly known as Twitter does not appear in the least embarrassed by this move.

Prince, aka the musical artist formerly known as a symbol, appeared to have been similarly immunised from embarrassment. Indeed, it is a rule of celebrity that one must demonstrate one’s triumph over embarrassment by naming one’s children Bubbles McFizzlepop, Quirkington Whifflefluff and Fluffernuffer Puddleflop.

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Embarrassment is actually a useful and important aspect of social interaction. It helps us to self-regulate and adhere to social norms. Demonstrating embarrassment can be a strong social signal of empathy. When we are embarrassed by our actions, others can see that we are concerned that our actions may not meet the expectations and standards of others. By demonstrating this awareness of the tacit rules, we can strengthen the bonds of trust in the social group.

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Embarrassment can also signify our genuine humility or modesty when, for instance, we receive praise for our achievements. This serves to communicate that we do not perceive ourselves as superior to our peers. We are part of the group.

I suspect the shedding of embarrassment develops over time, as we become more confident of ourselves or as we gain positional power, or perhaps gain sufficient resources to be less reliant on others.

A colleague once suggested, without any sense of embarrassment to room of ageing psychologists, that it was due to deteriorating frontal lobe function. It was not well received, with the more elderly colleagues momentarily abandoning their commitment to evidence to shore up their personal sense of mastery by protesting loudly, which seemed to prove his point.

This shedding of embarrassment is itself a social signifier of power or position. Think about those tech billionaires who pioneered the no-tie, jeans and sneakers look in corporate boardrooms. They can afford to break the rules.

For me, personal trainers are the training wheels that support me while I wobble through ludicrous movements. They also prevent the greater embarrassment of ending up clasping my back in agony before scurrying off to a dark corner to agonise in private after I have stuffed up a lift. It turns out embarrassment is a powerful and frequently neglected component of our careers.

Dr Jim Bright, FAPS owns Bright and Associates, a career management consultancy and is director of evidence & impact at BECOME Education an ed tech start-up, become.education. Email to opinion@jimbright.com. Follow him on Twitter @DrJimBright

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